Anxiety is something most of us experience at different points in our lives. It can show up as racing thoughts, tension in the body, or a constant sense that something isn’t quite right. While anxiety itself is not the problem — it’s actually a natural response designed to protect us — many of the ways we respond to it can unintentionally make it stronger.
The truth is, when something feels uncomfortable, our instinct is to get rid of it as quickly as possible. That instinct is human. It makes sense. But sometimes, the very strategies we use to feel better end up reinforcing the anxiety cycle instead.
Let’s explore how this happens—and what actually helps.
1. Avoiding What Feels Uncomfortable
One of the most common ways we worsen anxiety is through avoidance.
When something triggers anxiety—whether it’s social situations, difficult conversations, or even certain thoughts—we often try to stay away from it. In the short term, this works. We feel relief. But over time, avoidance teaches the brain that the situation is dangerous.
As a result, anxiety grows.
Avoidance also shrinks our world. The more we avoid, the fewer experiences feel safe or manageable.
What helps instead:
Gradual, supported exposure. Taking small, manageable steps toward what feels difficult helps retrain the nervous system. It builds confidence and reduces fear over time.
2. Trying to Control Every Thought
When anxious thoughts appear, many people try to fight them, suppress them, or replace them immediately.
“I shouldn’t be thinking this.”
“Stop it.”
“Think positive.”
Unfortunately, this often backfires. The more we try not to think something, the more persistent it becomes. This is sometimes called the “rebound effect.”
What helps instead:
Learning to relate differently to thoughts. Instead of treating thoughts as facts, we can begin to notice them as mental events. Practices like mindfulness and cognitive defusion help create space between you and your thoughts.
3. Overanalyzing and Overthinking
Anxiety often pulls us into loops of “what if” thinking.
What if something goes wrong?
What if I made a mistake?
What if they think badly of me?
While it can feel like we’re trying to solve a problem, overthinking rarely leads to clarity. Instead, it keeps the nervous system activated and reinforces a sense of uncertainty and lack of control.
What helps instead:
Grounding in the present moment. Bringing attention back to what is happening right now—through breath, senses, or physical movement—can interrupt the cycle of rumination.
4. Seeking Constant Reassurance
Reassurance can feel comforting in the moment. Asking others, checking repeatedly, or looking for certainty online may reduce anxiety temporarily.
But like avoidance, reassurance strengthens the belief that we cannot tolerate uncertainty on our own.
Over time, the need for reassurance increases rather than decreases.
What helps instead:
Building tolerance for uncertainty. This doesn’t mean liking uncertainty—but learning that you can handle it. Small steps toward trusting your own ability to cope can make a significant difference.
5. Being Hard on Yourself for Feeling Anxious
Many people feel anxious—and then judge themselves for it.
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“I need to get it together.”
This adds a second layer of distress: shame.
Instead of calming the nervous system, self-criticism activates it further.
What helps instead:
Self-compassion. Anxiety is not a failure—it’s a nervous system response. Speaking to yourself with understanding rather than criticism helps create safety internally, which is essential for regulation.
Working With Anxiety Instead of Against It
A key shift in managing anxiety is moving from resistance to collaboration.
Rather than asking, “How do I get rid of this?”
We begin asking, “What is this trying to tell me?” or “How can I support myself through this?”
Effective strategies often include:
- Mindfulness and grounding practices
- Gentle exposure to feared situations
- Cognitive restructuring (challenging unhelpful beliefs)
- Nervous system regulation (breathing, movement, rest)
- Building emotional awareness and tolerance
These approaches don’t eliminate anxiety overnight—but they change your relationship with it. And that’s where real, lasting relief comes from.
When You Need More Support
Sometimes anxiety can feel overwhelming, persistent, or deeply rooted in past experiences. In those cases, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
At Trauma and Stress Counselling, we work with anxiety through approaches like EMDR, IFS, and other evidence-based therapies that address both the mind and the nervous system. Together, we can help you understand your anxiety, reduce its intensity, and build a more grounded, confident way of being.
References
- Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427–440.
- Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2016). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. Guilford Press.
