In today’s fast-paced, constantly connected world, it can be difficult to stay grounded, focused, and emotionally balanced. Many of us find ourselves rushing through tasks, reacting impulsively to stress, and feeling disconnected from ourselves and those around us. The concept of “Self-energy,” drawn from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, offers a powerful pathway to reclaiming our presence and living with more peace, clarity, and authenticity.
What Is Self-Energy?
Self-energy refers to the core, calm, and compassionate state within each of us. When we are in Self, we are not being hijacked by emotional parts like anger, fear, shame, or anxiety. Instead, we are present, curious, grounded, and open. Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS, identifies eight characteristics of Self-energy, known as the 8 C’s: calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness.
Being in Self means we can lead our internal system with these qualities, rather than being dominated by reactive parts. When Self is in the lead, our actions are more mindful, our relationships more authentic, and our connection to the present moment more stable.
But how do we sustain this state of Self-energy in the middle of life’s challenges?
Why Presence Is Difficult to Maintain
Presence requires us to be in the here and now. Yet many of us are caught up in worries about the future, regrets from the past, or overstimulation from digital devices and constant noise. Unresolved trauma, daily stress, and emotional burdens can further pull us away from our centered Self.
When we are not present, we may:
- React impulsively rather than respond thoughtfully
- Feel emotionally numb or overwhelmed
- Struggle to connect with others authentically
- Feel like we are “going through the motions”
The good news is that sustaining Self-energy is a skill that can be nurtured. With regular practice and self-compassion, we can train ourselves to stay grounded, connected, and engaged in the present moment.
Six Practical Ways to Sustain Self-Energy and Be Present
1. Cultivate Internal Awareness
Awareness is the foundation of presence. Begin by noticing what’s going on inside you. Are you feeling anxious, critical, avoidant, or irritable? These may be protective parts that are taking over.
Try this: Take a few deep breaths and silently ask yourself, What is present inside me right now? Can you turn toward that experience with curiosity instead of judgment?
“Awareness is the first step in healing.” — Tara Brach (2012)
2. Ground Through the Body
Our bodies are anchors to the present. Physical sensations, breath, and movement can bring us back to now.
Try this: Practice a daily body scan, stretch slowly while paying attention to your breath, or take mindful walks where you notice each step and each sound around you.
Studies show that mindful movement can regulate the nervous system and improve emotional resilience (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).
3. Regulate Your Nervous System
When we are stressed or overwhelmed, our nervous system goes into survival mode. In this state, it’s hard to access Self-energy.
Try this: Practice grounding techniques such as:
- Slow, rhythmic breathing (inhale 4 counts, exhale 6)
- Using sensory anchors (e.g., touch something soft, smell an essential oil)
- Humming or gentle tapping (also known as bilateral stimulation)
Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory emphasizes how feeling safe and connected calms our nervous system and helps us access social engagement and presence (Porges, 2011).
4. Create Daily Rituals That Nourish You
You don’t need hours to reconnect with Self. Small, consistent rituals can create lasting change.
Try this: Devote 10-20 minutes daily to a practice that nurtures you:
- Meditation
- Journaling
- Creative expression
- Spending time in nature
These practices give your system time to reset, recharge, and return to calm.
Consistent mindfulness practice improves focus, emotional regulation, and even changes brain structure (Goleman & Davidson, 2017).
5. Respond Instead of React
Presence allows us to pause before acting. This pause can help us respond from Self rather than from triggered parts.
Try this: When you notice yourself getting triggered, take a moment. Breathe. Ask yourself, What does this part need right now? Can I show it compassion instead of pushing it away?
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” — Viktor Frankl
6. Connect with Safe, Supportive People
We are social beings, and connection helps regulate our systems. Safe, compassionate relationships help us co-regulate and stay anchored in Self.
Try this: Spend time with people who make you feel seen and supported. Engage in heart-centered activities like singing, storytelling, or group meditation.
Dr. Daniel Siegel emphasizes that emotional attunement with others strengthens our ability to be present and self-regulated (Siegel, 2012).
Final Thoughts
Sustaining Self-energy is not about perfection. It’s about making small, intentional choices that support inner balance. Each moment you return to yourself with kindness, you build trust with your internal system. Each breath, pause, or gesture of compassion strengthens your ability to lead your life from a grounded, present place.
Remember, Self-energy is not something you have to create—it’s already within you. The practice is simply to clear the path back to it.
Let your journey toward presence be one of gentleness, consistency, and curiosity.
Need Help with Self-Energy and Presence?
At Trauma and Stress Counselling, we understand how difficult it can be to access and sustain your Self-energy, especially when you’re navigating stress, trauma, or emotional overwhelm. Our team can help you develop the tools you need to become more present, calm, insightful, and compassionate toward yourself. Together, we can walk with you as you take the first step toward enhancing your self-energy and living a more grounded, connected life.
References
- Schwartz, R. C. (2001). Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model. Trailheads Publications.
- Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living. Delacorte.
- Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. Norton.
- Brach, T. (2012). Radical Acceptance. Bantam.
- Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Guilford Press.
- Goleman, D., & Davidson, R. J. (2017). Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body. Avery.
